name's juno slash aggy, having much trouble in the past, and having too much fun right now. after several months crying over my old blog which scrambled by anonymous haters, i started a new one. not really a new one. but few things had change and i had my life on shape. so, you haters better face me outside this blog because when you face me here, you are utterly idiot.
i have a figure named papa. he's not my father, but he's the one that helped me fit in with indonesian custom when my family splits up. he's the one that reunite mummy and pops when i was kid. and yeah, papa was everything to me. today, i can't get off of my bed. i'm ill. desperately needed an attention and medical care, did i? i did the last one. papa was invited to home by pops. papa was a catholic. he used to pray for me when i was 3 or 4 when i got ill or else. unlike other prayer, his prayer was soothing, calmly intrudes my mind.. i feel better. when i was 3, i used to wait outside the church when he's praying inside. i wait outside because i didn't want to disturb his connection to god. "when we pray, it means we have a connection to our lord, he heard what our heart feel, and he'll answer," that what he actually always said to me when once i bothered him praying. and today, papa told me i was grew up fastly, changing my image from a girl in a hat to a young lady. he asked me why i didn't wore scarves and jilbab like moslem did, and he said whatever my religion was, i have to be responsible with god, if He told me to cover my head, that's what i suppossed to do, and that's what i need to get a peace of mind. i was touched. i remember when i was playing with my brother and then i broke my arms. he went to my house and cheered me. he joked me that my cry was so loud as all of people in the blocks heard my scream. that was a pleasant memory of mine. papa gave me one of my favorite doll, vampy the bear, which is a bear dressed up in chinese vampire dress, it's hugable and cute to noted you that in my childhood, my nanny always told me that vampire is mean and they jumps around and ate girl's blood to seek for infinite life. papa knews that and he went to bought that doll. since then my afraidness started to calm itself down. today papa told me, "i am older and gets older everyday, my eldest son was almost 30, only interested in his career, the second, nick, you know.. only cares with hanging out etc and my youngest, just like you, busy with school.. didn't like to stay at home at weekends, dare to be different.. raising three son was never been easy, when you were 60, you might want to turn back time, careers, just like that,"
i remember when i got home to beijing and left him, i was cried, i didn't dare to left papa. papa's spirit soon lived on me. it helped me through all problems, however, my curiosity about my homeland made me left papa. at 6 when i moved back here, i got papa's attention again to remind you that pops and mumma were so busy. let's look through the window, the carport was empty, the house dazed in silence, i'm off home and no one in except some maid. then i was blissfully spent every saturday at papa's, with nick. we ate biscuits and tea. and in christmas we baked bush de noel and papa would remind everyone that i wasn't eat porks and snails. i wasn't allowed. the next 5 day after christmas we'll settled in barbeque's party at one of papa's family or close colleague's home. i was invited every year since i wasn't dig anything for new year's eve. then in my 15th birthday, papa bought me a puppy. a shih tzu. but i can't take care of a dog so nick took care of it..
my imaginations of my deadly past swept away. when nick and his friend visited me at three, i told him, "Papa just went home at 12" "yeah i know, he told me, how it feels like to heard you laughs again, he thankfully you're still alive..i told him that you got a pms and getting worse but you know how hypocondric he could be.." this time, i laughed. maybe he thinks that i'm going to die, but everyone dies and so will i. i just don't know when and how.
