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name's juno slash aggy, having much trouble in the past, and having too much fun right now. after several months crying over my old blog which scrambled by anonymous haters, i started a new one. not really a new one. but few things had change and i had my life on shape. so, you haters better face me outside this blog because when you face me here, you are utterly idiot.

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6.23.2009

after/gossips/breakdown

god, this is my diary. you can read it anytime you like, because i'm not hiding something from you. i thought that is useless because you create i am, my life, my days. you are the start and you are the finish line.
and if you already know what i'm gon sayin god, please gimme more knowledge on grammars because i'm totally sucks at grammar. my teachers keep complainin me but i find it no use, i only want to speak fluently with my mother tongue.

my days began at 2 when i unconsciously woke up from my... uh, sleep? from near a highway.. yes JORR, people. the one i used when i should go to office fastly--i'm not speaking about traffic anyway. it's 2 am and me & mazu are sleeping in the side of highways. finding sidewalks. 3 am, cried on each other's arms. that's what twins are for right? yeahhh even though he's not a real twins but we acted like a twins since... baby? maybe.
i like the way sidewalk's light stroke the cold street with its strange glows. we're not in bintaro anymore. we're at kemang. the city never sleep. we saw a bunch of car get out of a clubs. we're not allowed to go inside of course, we're still sixteen. the radio playing allen toussaint's sweet touch of love - the one in axe's dark temptations's ads. i remember his sweet touch of love. who?
i'll give you a second to guess..
of course my L guy. hahaha. yes, rendesvouz things made me sick sometimes. oh wait, he's now close with a girl hihihi, forget him ggy, found a new love! (it could be anyone, except that silly goatscapes guy) and don't waste your time running in a circle. there's my 'secret admirer'-- bet he loves me in a bunches--but i don't accepting apologies anymore--you ever dump me, get your result then.
hmmm back to 3 am at kemang, feeling worse than ever, i go to sleep, in my dashboard as usual, then i look beside me, and i found this:

yes he was smoking beside me, my mazu. my half one. and if he smoked it means he was in a bad condition because he rarely smoke. and if i found him smoking, he ussually hide it. he knew i got my fever but he still smoked and it means he felt my pain.
yes i know he felt my pain.
and in the morning when i woke up i found myself looked so bad. my mouth smells like a whore's mouth when she got a drug addiction.
yes that's i am. with a cub of cigar in my mouth. driving. trying to erase the sadness. people are so mean to me. but suddenly i hear this song...

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay,
my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today,
I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there, they'll all imply
that I might not last the day
And then you call me and it's not so bad,
it's not so bad and

I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life

Push the door, I'm home at last
and I'm soaking through and through
Then you hand me a towel
and all I see is you
And even if my house falls down,
I wouldn't have a clue
Because you're near me and

I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life
(dido-thank you)

the verse two is sooooo me. well, at 7 am when i got back home, i find 6 missedcalls from him. then i waited until he woke up and i told him everything. almost everything.
and he reminds me that everything is not so bad. even though it's bad i still got him to accompany me. he's really my bestfriend. he never called him a bestfriend but he always do what bestfriend do and i remember my most favorite moment when i'm with him.
after i got off from taxi he shout my name to the driver "pak pak ini namanya aggy lho pak!" and it was loud. i'm so ashamed but yeah, it's funny of course.
and then i remember,
i got my band to fixed soon. it's more important than the gossips. i shouldn't betrayed my junoaggys. i should remember that God gives me another days, another breath, another lifes.. and another love to give.
i should keep my feet on the track and save myself in the right path.
my life is cruel. but that's the way the cookie crumble. and one thing; i should keep myself comfortable even though the world isn't comforting me at alland this words? they keep me smiling now. without L, without my parents, without my 'so-declared-themselves-as-my-friend', and the most important: even you leave me alone, i will never be really alone. i'm with my God.

Label: diary, pengen nampol orang