J A s L a i r

11.30.2008

i wish it was happened in a sec

yesterday i open a pile of my dad's recorded music. he must've been crazy that i could found his own cassettes with his own drumming inside. he told me he was good at singing and drum but i got the point that, i should have mine too. i decided the cover was simply retraced my Psyche-inner and have that butterfly marks. i made it by myself and it's just waw
the next day i lean on my perfection of a recording. it must contains my new--and well as far, my favorite songs of all. the title is just simply "i don't need my dad to pull the votes that i am perfectly hopeless" and "hating me won't make you look more beautiful instead; you'll be pitiful". seems long, isn't it? yeah.

the rest that i have finally hate all my ex boyfriend(s) and finally go on NOT to pull another date as soon as possible, but i tried to stay close to my bestemona besties. having them were perfectly helpful as my lifestyle is stressful.

"hey, i don't like them,"
"go play, for the sake of your life,"
"i don't like to go on bowling or football match or billiard or even karaoke, could we just set off home and laid to each other arms?"
"no, we're going air soft gun,"
"that's what i love from my boy!"

and i love him, yes, i love that man who WILL say those things

Label: nonsense

xx signed off at 4:59 PM

11.29.2008

i though i did it for good, love

then i went dated another boy, and all i got is a never ending headache.

i am gone with the sigh of a wind but i was carried away to a place we ever been.

i'll hugged you tight if you were here.

i met our drunken buddy for a while, and he told me what was the benefit of crying.

the days changes so fastly, your samba rythm been slower to the times

i only can not forgive myself, so i'll hugged you tight if you were here

i just hope your.. i mean my niece grew nice, be just like me, not like your.. i mean my cousin

to mind you i have been sitting in previously our rooftop, i'll hugged you tight if you were here

Label: nonsense, random thoughts

xx signed off at 8:01 PM

11.28.2008

les etoiles

"wait a minute, dawg! we're here to discuss an upcoming star! les etoiles! grrrrr :)"

Agi Tiara Pranoto D.K a.k.a JUNOAGGY

the 'mother' of etoiles. the singer and unfortunately is not a singer. she used to be a riot grrl's band drummer for a while since this idea of jazz project came and disturbed her. her lyrics seems bright but noiry at the same time and of course, full of anger. her kind of singing often recognized like TIKA or CAETANO VELOSO or maybe just said MIKUNI GANI -- to noted that she had been mikuni's fans since she was 12 or more. she's studying percussion from yamaha music school to gilang ramadhan studio drummer and hopefully attending percussion institute, amen.

syam erast prayoga

the guitarist. he had blues, country and folk rock in mind. sometimes had argued a lot with aggy's way of singing--he doesn't get the feel of tifa or congo or scupa from aggy. he interest in her lazy singing voice--not the drums, even he always loved to hear her play but not playing with singing because it's seems so awful. his patience and caring made the band brighter a bit even though aggy's noir aura still disturbed him.

M Luthfiansyah

a smart boy from axeleration class. his violin was the best that mixed with syam--they have tried some other but failed and now, after joining the band, etoiles seems more bright and more poppish. the way he plays just like wow and cool so aggy picked him up in an afternoon to discuss the project with him (actually it was when battle of brains' event held). one thing to notice you, luthfi made this band consist by two 'healthy' guy with extraordinary talent and a girl with ~~superextraordinary~~ talent.

Label: band, musical journeys, musik

xx signed off at 5:48 PM

what i am going to wear

drummer's note by agishiteru

i want to go on a date with you by agishiteru

xx signed off at 5:17 PM

this is what i am going to wear if i go to WJDC

drummer's note by agishiteru

i want to go on a date with you by agishiteru

Label: drum, nonsense, random thoughts, stories

xx signed off at 5:17 PM

11.27.2008

papa..

i have a figure named papa. he's not my father, but he's the one that helped me fit in with indonesian custom when my family splits up. he's the one that reunite mummy and pops when i was kid.
and yeah, papa was everything to me.
today, i can't get off of my bed. i'm ill. desperately needed an attention and medical care, did i? i did the last one. papa was invited to home by pops. papa was a catholic. he used to pray for me when i was 3 or 4 when i got ill or else. unlike other prayer, his prayer was soothing, calmly intrudes my mind.. i feel better.
when i was 3, i used to wait outside the church when he's praying inside. i wait outside because i didn't want to disturb his connection to god.
"when we pray, it means we have a connection to our lord, he heard what our heart feel, and he'll answer," that what he actually always said to me when once i bothered him praying.
and today, papa told me i was grew up fastly, changing my image from a girl in a hat to a young lady. he asked me why i didn't wore scarves and jilbab like moslem did, and he said whatever my religion was, i have to be responsible with god, if He told me to cover my head, that's what i suppossed to do, and that's what i need to get a peace of mind.
i was touched.
i remember when i was playing with my brother and then i broke my arms. he went to my house and cheered me. he joked me that my cry was so loud as all of people in the blocks heard my scream.
that was a pleasant memory of mine. papa gave me one of my favorite doll, vampy the bear, which is a bear dressed up in chinese vampire dress, it's hugable and cute to noted you that in my childhood, my nanny always told me that vampire is mean and they jumps around and ate girl's blood to seek for infinite life. papa knews that and he went to bought that doll. since then my afraidness started to calm itself down.
today papa told me,
"i am older and gets older everyday, my eldest son was almost 30, only interested in his career, the second, nick, you know.. only cares with hanging out etc and my youngest, just like you, busy with school.. didn't like to stay at home at weekends, dare to be different.. raising three son was never been easy, when you were 60, you might want to turn back time, careers, just like that,"

i remember when i got home to beijing and left him, i was cried, i didn't dare to left papa. papa's spirit soon lived on me. it helped me through all problems, however, my curiosity about my homeland made me left papa.
at 6 when i moved back here, i got papa's attention again to remind you that pops and mumma were so busy. let's look through the window, the carport was empty, the house dazed in silence, i'm off home and no one in except some maid. then i was blissfully spent every saturday at papa's, with nick. we ate biscuits and tea. and in christmas we baked bush de noel and papa would remind everyone that i wasn't eat porks and snails. i wasn't allowed. the next 5 day after christmas we'll settled in barbeque's party at one of papa's family or close colleague's home. i was invited every year since i wasn't dig anything for new year's eve.
then in my 15th birthday, papa bought me a puppy. a shih tzu. but i can't take care of a dog so nick took care of it..

my imaginations of my deadly past swept away. when nick and his friend visited me at three, i told him,
"Papa just went home at 12"
"yeah i know, he told me, how it feels like to heard you laughs again, he thankfully you're still alive..i told him that you got a pms and getting worse but you know how hypocondric he could be.."
this time, i laughed. maybe he thinks that i'm going to die, but everyone dies and so will i. i just don't know when and how.

Label: diary, random thoughts

xx signed off at 7:08 PM

11.26.2008

writings

his eyes meet mine
glows. but i'm not melted anymore. you better counting down the days. days after days it'll be the same.
i wake from my unsconciousness. my spilling, drifting tears rolled. after a few days of hatred minds, i bit my tongue.
i flew high. i drunk caffeine. my pms leave me in an empty room. the ceiling's white, the cream wallpaper and granite's tile, it's intimidates me. your scent, your musky odor, still smelled here. i feel the pain and joy, as if you're here but i can't see you. where are you? are you with her? can i trust you? for god's sake, leave me alone.
my naked face starred in a mirror where i could find your cheeks, your eyes, glimpse in a rythm. it's a calypso. i heard the jukebox plays "garota de ipanema" and i found myself, miser, sober, bursting out right when i typed those words

your eyes leave me. finding out another chances to be loved.
yet another chances.
i'm not going to trust you. was it all worths? after i ever helped you, left me, dancing alone in tears, you go away with her, and when you came back, regreting your obscenity, i have died. my feeling, joys, scars whatever hurts you is yours to made. my imaginations flew high.
molluscas.
should i drew you a hat? or a cap? or a suits? for your prom night?
should i say love? to glance in above sky? were there another sky for you?
yes in your heaven that you and her made. spilled corn syrup in a riverside or maybe confetti's rain?

i'm not interested. my noir, black and white world, lost it's white. and suddenly, all of these journals washed away in an ink.
it's all black.

Label: random thoughts, stories

xx signed off at 4:40 PM

11.25.2008

wish i was never have to wake up again

well writings can't help myself through all pains i've been hold for so long. maybe three or four words could help. would it be really nice to helping out? kill me.
all this pain shut my head early. my brain doesn't work like it ever aches, second, third, my minds started to play a roll of film, a sadness of my past and a tartled glances from every people that i found out, they were annoying,
my hand texting so fast, talking with a lot of emotions
my eyes filled with tears
people could be so mean, you know?
i could retrace every side of my unpleasant past
i saw your tears
maybe it's my last note before graveyard,
i don't know. i cry a lot today
they were responsible for my suicide
yes, they were
where are you my reaper?
killing is easy, reaping was easy
take my soul into hell
put my body solely into fire
and haunt them that released my side
i don't need love
if you love me,
kill me.

Label: random thoughts, stories

xx signed off at 12:49 PM

SAD

idk what to do, i'm so lost, i might be not writing again tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, it's not that i doesn't want to write again or else but i still thinks that i was too noiry to talk. my emotions still bursting in a way i do not know.
i've been all out of love.
i don't know what should i do
i'm running out of space to write. i'll explain later. when i am ready.

with love,
junosuper

Sent from my phone using trutap

xx signed off at 7:36 AM

11.24.2008

dont call her sunshine

i knew that you loved me as a friend
that everytime you goes and fall
i can only smile
for everytime you tried and failed
i'm here
but you'd never saw me
or those words i bear
i fight all of your fear
but suddenly you threw yourself again into a girl
that have been hurt you
that never love you
i read all of your messages
you said you still love her
she's your sunlight or
were we just afraid of losing you twice
it's just like rolling dice
it can be six, two or miss
you are mine and not to share
fuck it even though i'm not dare enough to be a real tough
it'll cost a fare
i was too pity to told you
that i love you
now we're gonna be apart
i read all your messages and you said she was a sunlight with her gentle smile
she was the one you missed
i don't know who the hell is this girl
and i'm not sunlight
i am? i'm your loner luna
an eclipse that shine shyly
without thoughts that an eclipse could glimpse out
fear me, fear me
you don't love me
i'm too jealous as it be
now you left me,
i don't know what to tell you, but just don't call her sunshine, it means a lot to me

Label: diary, my own lyrics

xx signed off at 4:49 AM

11.22.2008

begitu sampai rumah

begitu gue nginjekin kaki di rumah

itu jam 10 pagi,

cuma ada pembantu, ortu keluar kota

nyalain flexi gue, duduk sebentar..

20 msgs received

anjriiiiirrr!

ada job ini, job itu..berasa artis gue

ada beberapa sms sayang-sayangan dari mantan tapi ga gue bales

ada beberapa sms nanyain jadwal main band yang gue urus tapi ga gue bales

ada sms job buat band gue tapi juga ga gue bales

capeeeekk banget

tapi..

nggak nyampe lima menit telepon gue bunyi

si Joel bilang JATMF dapet job

okay, kapan?

seminggu lagi

baru gue tutup telepon

si daniel telepon, katanya butuh session drummer

okay, kapan?

besok

situ kira gue srikandi? capek tau

mana ada JGTC

nggak lama kemudian..

kriiiiiiiingggggggggggggggg

halo?

gi, jangan lupa yaaa hari ini smokingfetishcandy main

oalah. mati gua

pukul 2 siangnya,

anjriit

baru juga pulang bentar gue langsung nyetir lagi

kali ini ke daerah selatan jakarta

mesti checksound

drum ok, rider disediain

alah rider gue cuma air mineral doang kok

terus habis itu gue dan rekan smokingfetishcandy yang lain

ngopi dulu sebentar di gloria jeans deket gigs tempat gue main

duduk, latte satu,

padahal gue udah minum kopi banyak banget tadi pagi

tepar? banget

habis itu satu jam kemudian gue performing

lagi asyik asyik main..

PRETDESBRAG

floor tom gue ancur skinnya

gara gara emang udah jelek terus guenya nafsu pas main

mati gua ini gimana jadinyaaaa??

akal akalin

sok cool, pinjem subkick sama band sebelah

pake bahasa isyarat dari balik panggung

WOI WOI PANGGILIN DIRA

BILANG GUE PINJEM SUBKICK

padahal ini baru lagu pertama

subkick enggak ngaruh

gitaris gue tampangnya bete, duh maap deh

selesai selesai gue dicengin, dibilang tangan dewa..

ampun dahhhhhh

pulang macet macet maceeeeeeeeeeettt

arrrgggghhhhh!!!

akhirnya..

gue berhenti disitu.

di depan rumahmu,

numpang yaa maz, gue capek banget astapiruloh

kata lo, iya iya iya sumpah muka lu gaenak diliat hahahaaa

gue tertawa

sini gue setirin, katamu, sekalian gue nginep

hahaha

lalu gue dan lo, melalui tol bintaro,

keluar di daerah pondok kopi

lalu tertidur nyenyak dua jam sesudahnya di sofa ruang tamu

(as told to Mazu, yang berbaik hati meminjamkan barang barangnya dan mengantar gue pulang)

Label: diary, drum, nonsense

xx signed off at 8:30 PM

11.16.2008

finally

meet pikes my new bestie

Sent from my phone using trutap

xx signed off at 8:06 PM

11.14.2008

when i was thinking about my past life

i'm slightly gifted person. first, i have a perfect life, a real bestfriend that always beside me no matter people said or think about me, a music talent, and what all girls want; a perfect love.

but these things covered with dumb things like someone stabs you in the back, gossips, and a c for your rhodes exam.
but it's okay. i didn't like to be a center of attention. i like to locked myself inside my own world without any other people disturbs me.
these three weeks i became more sensitive and cry a lot especially when some bad things came to me *i want to curse them, well in fact i can't, i hope i am minerva mc gonagall* but i felt better when my "boy" came to me and did some silly stuffs like dancing cossack's dance together, playing limbo, or joking around while i rest on his arms. i miss him.

well, i'm still single though. but i love my life. maybe we should leave things like DYD and hombreng hombreng serabi behind. i want to get involved in oxfam or anything anything.

whatever you say, i don't care ;D

oh yeah, i would like to watch debat in tvone. political and controversy stuff are my best friend. bye.
p.s: i love my sid :D

Label: diary

xx signed off at 7:26 PM

11.13.2008

featured works

some of my works featured at kanataindoforum.co.cc, the owner is my friend,tari a.k.a rietsu, she's the admin. fyi, her banner, avatar and signature are my viewtiful works, though i got a lil bit stucky wucky about it. damn i still think about the layouts, after all. i want to keep it simple but nice..

i will love to works for u :D

xx signed off at 8:05 PM

11.12.2008

j'aime mon fiftyfavegang

55 people. 1 exhibition. 32 human sculptures and public arts. 2 chamber musicians. 55 performer. no guest star, just US.
#08 the next generation, ilysm, being your friend and teacher was hard though we'll make it, our first midterm xhbition :D
semangat!

xx signed off at 7:58 AM

11.10.2008

gandhy

well, today is a recent updates. simple : gandhy was no longer my special someone.
he already hooked up with a girl in his music institute for 2 months but he didn't tell me. hell, i'm so desperately in need of honesty.

yeah to told you, i knew this from nilo. okay, i'm eavesdropping. but then yesterday i'm bravely asked gandhy, whether i just wanted to clarify rumours like usual.
yeah, long distance relationship were hard, especially when you both have got no real status.
like i said, "maybe it doesn't matter for us but it's a matter to our phone bills,"

oh idk what to do. maybe i need to calm my mind first. i'm sorry, for anything. anything. i miss you beb, but this is what i got from wanting you so hard. you kept it just to kept me by your side. lonesome were no big deal for me. i kept on dreaming about someday you'll be withme and the story ended with a happy ending, now all i dream is about how i kept losing my mind, said i'm not that pathetic but i knew i was torn in two. even though i want you to be back here, i realize indonesia wasn't one of your destination next christmas. you'll leaving me once again, and now it's bye bye, goodbye, i've tried.

another sad ending for my love stories, maybe.

"i'm sorry dear, i can't help myself, you know i'm just a human being, i need you, you just too far away, i know someday i'll hurts you, now i hurts you, i am afraid i can't have you back,"

p.s: thanks to alisbar yg nyuruh gw nulis ini sambil dgr mengenang cinta dari parkdrive. pas bgt! kerasa bgt jadinya.. "..adapun nyatanya, kau tak disini dan kuhanya bs mengenang cinta.." emang parkdrive paling GILA!

Label: daniel's old stuffey, diary, gandhy, love life, musik

xx signed off at 8:13 PM

i need pianika

anjrit pianika gue ilaaaaangg! gw mau ujian melodica pula. mati deh gw.

xx signed off at 5:35 PM

11.08.2008

fever again; while i really want to watch the executions

yeah, i catched a cold.
everybody said i have been pushed myself too hard while my condition wasn't so good. i miss my drums, my hang out places and my besties.
it started this wednesday. while my classroom had been moved to the computer's laboratory. it's so cold when you sat at my seat, so maybe i got a lil hypotermia and i disobey nick, which told me that i have to wore my sweater. last friday, me and syam did practicing session at gamelan's room without luthfi, because he went to comic studio with miraj, darta, acolabs etc etc. i'm so sorry for him because i did told him to bring his violin.

and in case you don't understand, the luthfi i told you about is muhammad luthfiansyah, not luthfi sahputra. don't call me pathetic, okay?

well, after that, i felt bad with my throat. it must be my amandels and my sinusitis. but i didn't take it too seriously. late evening, i bought some books for nick at jing si, when i took a walk. after that my head seemed so heavy, and i remembered that i have drank fanta electric that friday morning, it made me looked so silly now. oh god.
yeah, my friend, devy already told me that it is not good to drank too much soda in the morning, while today i want to go home, but alas i cannot. fajar drove me home at night because he worried me a lot. thanks dude.
anyway, i went to my house at pondok kopi. Poppa renovating or redecorating the house occasionally and now, he is. he changed the whole border into aluminium and bought some paints. i slept at my room and mumma woke me at 5:30 AM. she told me that i was very sound. yeah, of course, i can't stand the beauty of sleeping though. i was facing difficulity of sleeps that you called insomnia, but that night there's nothing i could do but sleep.

i'm so overloaded with the thoughts that i need to practiced the rhodes.
but i finally took a week off again-not me actually, but my music principal, gave me a dispensation because i had worked too hard on everything. i thank god to have you, mrs deviana. i owe you too much.
yeah as i laid down at my bed with my hello kitty blanket and mr berry, nick came to check me up while he need to drove rayen to rawamangun. i handed him the book, as i know he have worked with his mandarin and kantonese language. i hope it helps ;)
he gave me the bye bye fever plast, and some foods from circa, cold oatmeal and energen. well it was my favorite breakfast if i get hospitalized, and i feel like i need to go to the doctor but yeah i was spent too much money on buying medicine, and now i have to save some for buy a subkick.
now my nose filled with mucus. and i can't breath. my words flowing around with a bad grammar and without a direction. i want to watch TV at 1 am, i want to know about amrozi's execution, to note that they have broke my heart by exploding bali's night life. well for me, they shouldn't get executed, THEY SHOULD WATCH THEIR FAMILY GET EXPLODED TO PIECES!! i was very annoyed when they said about jihad and they should saw their family-from behaving to threating anyone-dying in front of them. i'm sure it will be nice and yeaaah how it feels like when they get killed? i'm pretty excited.
but you know, this is indonesia. and indonesian like to get raid of anything. press is just like shit, they are like to enlarge and blow up some issues or lies. just because three roaches would die, the nation become very insecure. oh why? it's so silly to show the whole world that we were afraid. yeah were afraid.
no, we should fight it, afraidness wouldn't help anything but a laugh from that jemaah islamiyah thingie.
and to told you, i'm not a jews, but i'm not a liberal moslem, i believed that we, humans are made to lead the world into a golden era, into a better place. no matter what races, religion, sex and gender or even profession. i didn't believe in human evolution's theory though i believe in quantum evolution theories.
and in my theory, terorism is not jihad. it's a way to prove that you, didn't have God. what kind of religion taught you to bombs a night club?
well if it islam, i'm pretty sure there was a word "my religion is my business, so are yours" ( al kafirun 6) so you didn't have to be nosy with others life aaanddd to told you that muhammad saw didn't bomb every kafir quraisy that disobey him. he treat them as a family, and it was the peaceful religion i said.
well, my head aches, as the future keeps goin.

PS: i'll write the pantomim class with phillipe bizöt later. promise.

Label: diary, random thoughts

xx signed off at 11:54 PM

11.06.2008

listen, dear

night blindness wont tear me
all kicky kinky feet wont kick me
even any single tear wont hurts me
am i dead?
no, i just need to listen

all of my friends wont hit me
then all my dreams crushed in
warmth as the spring
rush as a river
flow down before you,
i just need to listen

fall to a jazz records, an a plats
for anything i believed will be
it's so soon to say it's over
well i need to hang on you
because i'm a deaf. a deaf.

Label: my own lyrics

xx signed off at 8:22 PM

11.05.2008

numerous

i kept acting dull like idk what to do
and i, still here lyk a fool
oh dear you are numerous reason,
why i put a wig on
for a numerous bad hair day i had lean on
you are my numerous reason,
why i'm aching to bone
for a numerous diet i made through to lose 2 pounds
and numerous reason,
why i stayed on the phone
waiting for a three caller id from numerous three caller id that rings me everyday

but then,
you are my numerous reason,
why i fell in love

Label: my own lyrics

xx signed off at 6:25 PM

a song about....

for every minute
i can't stop dreaming about us
i'm sorry for,
everything i blamed on you,
it's all my fault,
i'm to afraid to talk to you
hello, goodbye,
i'm aching
i'm drowning
to see you lean on her

*cluenya ada di judul. yang pinter pasti ngerti.

Label: diary, love life, my own lyrics, random

xx signed off at 4:37 PM

11.04.2008

nonsenses!

"gimana gi? udah punya pacar?"
"lg jalan sm siapa sekarang?"
"kapan cowo kamu di kenalin ke kita?"

*jawabannya satu: NGGA ADA. jangankan pacaran, malem minggu aja gue les piano. monyeeet.
biasanya si nyokap yg nanya nanya gt. atau the oh so kepo geng yg terdiri dari empat cewe centil, meydina, karin, raras dan tini yg walaupun soleil gw sayang bgt sm mereka aw aw aw aw.

kenapa gw mendadak ngambek?
karena gw desperate pengen punya pacar dan everyone keeps whingeing the oh-you-should-date-someone-you-fifteen-get-a-life. ngek ngok.
tapi di satu sisi ya gw tetep pilih pilih dong. biar gw desperate tp kan gw jg masi punya mata dan hati *atau mata hati? god knows, man* ya gmn pun kan misalnya itu cowo bau ketek matahari *atau matahari ketek* trus ketombean trus ileran trus pemales trus kriminil ya gue jg ogah dong.

jadi yang gmn dong gi? ya jelas dong harus seperti ini:

1. TRAVIS BARKER
he is so my type. sampe bumi kebelah dua standar gw mah jelas, travis!

2. NIKITA DOMPAS
ok ok not nikita's thingie again, but hey! he's hot! dia guitar player, have a big big smile, from a perfect family, bibit bebet bobot pun terjamin

3. PHILIPE CIMINATO
eh bener ga si tulisannya? ah whatever. pokoknya gw suka suka suka

4. RAIN
iya si penyanyi korea. ganteng BGT BGT BGT. gw selalu melting. peduli setan org bilang dia gay, cantik, atau apalah, kaya dia mau aja sm gw

5. ZACKY VENGEANCE
wkt gw ke konser A7X satu satunya yg gw teriakkan cm "ZACKY I LOVE U!" padahal tiket aja dikasi. tolol.

6. COKY SITOHANG
mau dibilang gay kek apa kek, EMANG GUA PIKIRIN

7. RAYENDRA SUNITO
drummer paling keren se jakarta drum school (karena rekor se-indonesia masih dipegang oleh demas narawangsa, erik changcut, gilang ramadhan dan gue, oh tentu yg terakhir itu kibul belaka) jadi ya rayen itu rayen itu ah tau ah ibunya dia itu penasihat BPS sekolah gw . hehe ga penting ah yg jelas rayen keren sayang udah "mapan"

8. GEBETSKI
iya ini gebetan gw. ya jelas lah gw suka. ummm to be honest he's just travis barker hid in babyface looks. so? ngekngok. gi lupakan pria inih. huhuhu

jd gi? tetep aja konklusinya: AKU PATAH HATI OW OW OW

Label: bete, diary, drum, nonsense

xx signed off at 4:51 PM

11.03.2008

real and boring story for my holiday's crap assignment

Yesterday, i have my music theory exam. i walked in and i heard the teacher told me to take a sit. the sofas and tables i used to sat so many time before this exam looked so cold as i felt uncomfortable as i sat down
the teacher looked at me. i glanced. i hate the way she saw me. it's looked like she scanned my mind, and i hate it. i hate it when someone judging me up, as i can't say anything yet.
i'm not alone. i'm with alia karina, the trustworthy pianist and valentino, the rhodes player. and there's a guy from saxophone class i didn't know. four people.
hours passed by,exam finished. at two pm, right after i finished my lunches, my celly rings. it's from mazu. my nephew. i mentioned him so many times in this blog. mazu asked me whether i can picked him up from school. i said yes, then i asked if i could bring karin with me. he agreed. me and karin drive to mazu's school.
he's out at 3. we arrived a lil' late because of the traffic jams and karin went to toilet twice because she couldn't hold her pee.
mazu was never looked this messy and all i know was he had some problems at home. my cousin, or let's say mazu's mother, were so strict in keeping mazu with his jobs as musician. she gave a distant between mazu and his drumkits. just like my mum. but mazu never cried before. not in front of me.
he spoke quietly, looked sober as i shook his hand,
"i'm oficially broke up, i didn't know what to do or even told you, i love this girl and we've been together for two years. it felt like shit, she'd been dating another guy because i wasn't that hot"
he cried

oh then,
you meet her
you greet her
you dated her
why, are you cheating on me?
why, are you cheating on me? (juno-cheated on me)

i moved into the backseat. i let karin drove on the way home because her flats is near with mine and her mini cooper were parked in my flat's garage. i tried to cheered mazu down but i felt useless.
suddenly we arrived at my flat as mazu started to whingeing like a baby. he won't tell me what's goin on exactly until i begged him. i know. i told him to took a bath and lent him my oversized tee. nick lent him his pajamas pants and towel. he also gave mazu an extrabed in his room. something he rarely did. after that, karin went home.
nick and me listened to mazu's story in nick's room. at five pm, we ran out of tissues. i asked nick to go across to our glorious kemchicks as if we ran out of foods too. i forced to go to circa, a nearest suburban shop by car. mazu told me that he has called his home and told his dad that he was here. thanks god, my cousin marry a very berry liberal guy. he lets demas stayed.
in the car i felt upset because he kept crying no matter how hard i tried to cheered him.
i didn't know what kind of things i supposed to do. i have my own problems, yeah, a lot, i couldn't made a single deal with anyone. i was in a big nervous too. got in a trouble with mazu wasn't one of my things. he even never looked SAD before.
now he cried.
and i didn't know what i supposed to do.
i listened to his cry. i listened, with my car outside circa.
then he stopped crying. i drove home, with swing out sister on the radio.

time takes you down..
when love's been gone.. (swing out sister - time takes you down )

i parked the car at the parking building as we saw a sporty volvo parked beside me.
oh how i loved volvo when i used to be a kids. i remember that me and mazu went to a showroom in beijing and saw volvo's classic but sporty attitude.

"cool huh?" mazu laughed sarcastically, "when others fell apart the others spent their lives with classic cars, make-ups, and for other reasons they made us looked like a fool. spent so much for their sake of hapiness,"
i saw him in the eye,
"what do you mean, dude?"

the next two hours, at the parking road, a guy told me that her gf was previously anything. he bought her a ring, a celly, and so many things she want from him. time passed by. now the girl left him alone and went on another date with the new prankies that were richer than him.

i beg you not to go,
i beg you,
i pleaded,
claim you as my only hope,
and watch the floor as you retreaded (a good fight - dashboard confessional)

imagine how love could bring someone, and his principal thought, down, lost.
the rule are made to break
and so are the principes.
i remember mazu was a tough guy. he never cried...before.
and how 2 years..broke.
money was the cause. like me and someone. money, status, kinds of.

its nonsense nominals tear us apart. you need love? find someone. and the other for money.
omaigad. what a killjoy.

Label: diary

xx signed off at 7:47 PM

like u care

god, i am conviced to write these kind of stuffs again. yeah now i've been waiting for my first exam, music theory and that's pretty annoying eventhough my my my dearest partner told me that i'll pass through it ("ah yg bener? gw aja ga bljr sama sekali")
i didn't miss school life. not because it is sucks but i can sleep at 6 am this holiday, at school? nay way. i used to waited my "prince charming" ordering food at kasma those time and dang i need to sleep but the only thing i missed is the "prince charming-whom-likely-has-been-found-out-his-own-princess" so then i cried for numerous unused things like, 'oh no he'll go on a date' or 'god he sat with her' or 'damn he never looked at me' etc etc. yeah i know i'm such a dumb rumpelstilskin. at least i still have my..oh my. i mean i have errr the sims 2 apartment life and i made me and him lived closely, only 2 blocks even far in reality he lived in his crib which one located far far away from me oh oh. yeah dad bought me that sims 2 game for convicing me to get on his design construction bussines, and NO WAY DAD. I HATE SUNBATHING ON THE PROJECTS AND I WANT TO BE A MUSIC TEACHER. or psychiatrist. or a good mother, eventhough get married is such a horrible thing.

oh my prince charming, fuck off. just kidding

Label: diary, nonsense

xx signed off at 11:59 AM

11.01.2008

i have been tagged

yeah i have been tagged by the oh so so couple maran and patir oh betapa ngekngoknya mereka semua, walaupun begitu saya sangat menyayangi mereka.

errr.. ok here we go, 10 shitty facts about me:

1. i have an arachnophobia and clownophobia mixed with swimming-pool-o-phobia. ngerti ga? it means saya takut segala makhluk dari golongan arachnoida, badut sulap yang idungnya merah merah itu dan kolam renang.
2. i love hello kitty. hello kitty all the way bum bum.
3. i love my besties though sometimes i dislikes their way of joke :P
4. yes i am a drummer tapi berhubung tiada band yang menggunakan jasa saya jadilah sekarang saya menjadi freelance drummer yang hepi hepi joy joy
5. gue benciiiii banget kalo disuruh bangun pagi pagi terus mandi. karena keinsomniaan gue biasanya gue baru mulai tidur jam tigaan. lah bayangkehun kalo hari libur pun gue harus bangun jam lima terus mandi terus pergi ke mana kek gitu, biasanya sih gue 'ngamuk'
6. i am a big fan of travis barker and nikita dompas. iya semuanya pasti bingung. beda banget gitu travis sama nikita, tapi gue harus mengakui keduanya sangat menginfluence gue dalam banyak hal
7. i was previously attended yamaha max and jeanny drum course and guitar course. and the most annoying fact adalah dulu gue gak lulus KMA piano
8. gue pengen banget punya ipod dan laptop dan hape (lagi) karena gue merusakan semuanya, gembel, sementara discman jebot gue nggak rusak rusak
9. gue pengen punya pacar yang udah baik, sabar perhatian perfect kaya travis cakep ramah sopan dan pastinya setia dan dan dan yeaaaaaa i didn't find the longlasting one! i want the longlasting! i want it! somebody gimme a boyfrieeenddd!
10. gue benci alay yang udah soktau rada keparat lebay pula. grrrrkkkgrrrrkkkgrrrkkk

nah udah kan? udah kan? sekarang gue tag... errr... adriano minamoy dan errrr... pradipsky my lovely lovely bestie

the rules:
1 each blogger must post these rules.
2 each blogger starts with 10 random facts or habits about themselves.
3 bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their 10 things and post these rules. at the end of your blog, you need to choose approximately 10 people to get tagged and list their names.
4 don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged and to read your blog.

Label: nonsense

xx signed off at 8:55 AM