Statement

name's juno slash aggy, having much trouble in the past, and having too much fun right now. after several months crying over my old blog which scrambled by anonymous haters, i started a new one. not really a new one. but few things had change and i had my life on shape. so, you haters better face me outside this blog because when you face me here, you are utterly idiot.

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Credits

8.11.2009

timeless.

11.28.2008

this is what i am going to wear if i go to WJDC

11.26.2008

writings

his eyes meet mine
glows. but i'm not melted anymore. you better counting down the days. days after days it'll be the same.
i wake from my unsconciousness. my spilling, drifting tears rolled. after a few days of hatred minds, i bit my tongue.
i flew high. i drunk caffeine. my pms leave me in an empty room. the ceiling's white, the cream wallpaper and granite's tile, it's intimidates me. your scent, your musky odor, still smelled here. i feel the pain and joy, as if you're here but i can't see you. where are you? are you with her? can i trust you? for god's sake, leave me alone.
my naked face starred in a mirror where i could find your cheeks, your eyes, glimpse in a rythm. it's a calypso. i heard the jukebox plays "garota de ipanema" and i found myself, miser, sober, bursting out right when i typed those words

your eyes leave me. finding out another chances to be loved.
yet another chances.
i'm not going to trust you. was it all worths? after i ever helped you, left me, dancing alone in tears, you go away with her, and when you came back, regreting your obscenity, i have died. my feeling, joys, scars whatever hurts you is yours to made. my imaginations flew high.
molluscas.
should i drew you a hat? or a cap? or a suits? for your prom night?
should i say love? to glance in above sky? were there another sky for you?
yes in your heaven that you and her made. spilled corn syrup in a riverside or maybe confetti's rain?

i'm not interested. my noir, black and white world, lost it's white. and suddenly, all of these journals washed away in an ink.
it's all black.

Label: random thoughts, stories

11.25.2008

wish i was never have to wake up again

well writings can't help myself through all pains i've been hold for so long. maybe three or four words could help. would it be really nice to helping out? kill me.
all this pain shut my head early. my brain doesn't work like it ever aches, second, third, my minds started to play a roll of film, a sadness of my past and a tartled glances from every people that i found out, they were annoying,
my hand texting so fast, talking with a lot of emotions
my eyes filled with tears
people could be so mean, you know?
i could retrace every side of my unpleasant past
i saw your tears
maybe it's my last note before graveyard,
i don't know. i cry a lot today
they were responsible for my suicide
yes, they were
where are you my reaper?
killing is easy, reaping was easy
take my soul into hell
put my body solely into fire
and haunt them that released my side
i don't need love
if you love me,
kill me.

Label: random thoughts, stories

10.14.2008

poppa and my fluctuative journeys

i love my poppa cause he always told me the right thing in a wrong way. no gratitude yet silly catfight everyday.
since i had some nasty fight with abitchyslut whom i always admit to diss here..
he told me, "gi, when you're trying to kick her while she's still alive, don't use a low kick, use your anger instead of feeling sorry, and if she's a crap, go on and hang her head on your ceiling"
i said, "pop, you just sounded like ozzy osbourne"

my pop told me, if he felt worried he'll get angry as well.
my pop told me, i need to get away from my nasty problem.
and i told myself, i hate my poppa

"gi, first when you are 4, we took you into a music shop and we bought an old yamaha keyboard, which one you used for learning piano, then you bought yourself a melodica when we asked you what instrument did you want to play, and then you pointed drums, an old ludwig,"
"i know you were too young to play drums, even though i played it as well, we'd know that you wouldn't fit at that old ludwig, in that time junior kits were hard to found, me asked the shop owner to order a junior kit, for your 5th years bday gift"
"and then you always positively disturbed me when i played drums, everyday. you asked me, what's this, what's that, why that sounded like this or that, and so and so, well, i felt lucky cos you would try one, and once you hold the stick, i know, you got your daddy's talent,"

(and i said, "that is mean i am not talented, pop, you sucks," then he laughed)

"all i know you love the drums but once you denied it for the bass, your brother is a great bassist though he didn't know he was a great bassist because he learnt it by himself, from a book, then he's a left handed bassist, the best i ever met, i sent him to yamaha then"
"you getaway from the piano course, your teacher said you didn't have what so called talent, and you denied it. i still heard some messy beyer and folks song which meant you were still practiced it, but you always said that you hate pianos and stuff"

(i said, "what the hell with that white and black keys, damn,")

"then at age of 6 you started your music course even though i must begged my bestfriend to gave u a chance in M&J, you grew up, and at 10 you asked me for a bass,"
"you have a twinky 2B's drumstick finger, a fragile ones that wont help you learnt bass but u tried and you made it, i'm proud of you, so proud, even at age of 11 you asked me a guitar,"
"i can't help myself, it's a fact that when you were 12 you asked me a doublebass. right when you got some late problems, at the same time, i realize you were still play piano, drums, bass and guitar, when you got a bit serious with that, you enroll an independent music studies and i saw you worked really hard with those eartrainings, music business and stuff, some girls like you might been fall in love with boy or else, you studied those boring music studies,"

(i laughed, "yeah, i fall in love with nikita dompas," then pop glanced at me in a scary face, i sighed, "just kidding pop, i fell with the music itself")

"then at the beginning of this year, you were completely finish those music studies, i found myself got very happy, yet i felt 'i don't need to bought her an instrument again,' and i'm just laughing if you said you want a grand piano like everyday since i bought your first keyboard, imagine, now you have an old DX 200, one RMV, one PSR 3000, two melodica, one classic C330, one st harmony electric bass, one doublebass, and lots of amplifiers and it's all your own, your own, i didn't count rio's and mine and we already had those homey studio, thanks god i can bought you your very own house to put those bitches together"

(i laughed overloud, he looked annoyed)

"still NOW you asked me for a rhodes course and i gave it, and you still improving your percussion skill, girl, i want to sent you straight away to hollywood's music institute!"

i spoke clearly, "dad, i always wanted to be just like you, i want to be in that institute, not juilliard like mum tells,"

and you know what did he said to me?

"you're too good to be like me, i am just an unknown musician and enjoy myself at my 58 to 60 to praise myself, as a great civil engineer,"

i parked the car in my carport. tried so hard to not cry. after all, he's just too overprotective to his only daughter which act like her without ever knowing it.

Label: bass, diary, doublebassist, drum, family, instrument, kenangan, les musik, musical journeys, musik, nonsense, poppa, sedih, senang, stories, terharu