i'm so total for my new upcoming project; The Suicide Obsession. The Suicide Obsession was different than my three old project (The Trilogy of Dead Heart) which consist of "A Tribute to Joga", "Lot Biblical Lot" and "Flybirds of the Sun". The Suicide Obsession is about someone who did suicide just for fun. like usual it's a "musical novel" which i'll blew yer ear with stories that came in a pack of songs. the hardest part is i just don't understand the main character so i decided to be "her" for a while. changing a bit of my daily life. hard. too hard. have no inspiration, just have one song; 'eat my flesh drink my blood' because i can't concentrate on this one. you know it's kinda hard since i began my new life right now. sigh.

m: makanya udah ga usah twitting lagi, hape disimpen! mau serius ga sih?

a: gue sih mau tp ntar gue gimana keep in touch sama aksa!?

m: ya gausah keep in touch dulu 3 hari gpp kan!?

a: NTAR GUE DISANGKA BUNUH DIRI BENERAN BLOONNN

yes since he's an alive witness of my deadly "committing suicide" part.. well maybe he won't let me fall again. wish so.

i slit my teenage wrist,

"do you miss me? well my vacation isn't as pleasurable like I wished before.. because... i miss you too much, and you still light up my lonely nights... and dear, beach is for couple, while i'm alone, sending kisses to you... i hope you miss me too, now i'm home, gotta tell you more about my week alone..."

(me and fufu)

i moved out to my old rooms, cleaning all my ex boyfriends stuff there, then sent them to a vault. now my old rooms were pretty clear since i still kept more things to go. i hate them. i hate my ex. i hate my life. even i send my precious drumkit just because it was the same as the one he had. and i was busy making a separated alter ego, a separated life, something people just won't understand.

but that's life. everytime i talked about life people saw me just like "oh you are just 15 years old, a 12th grader, what do you think you know about life?" man, i already faced the worse, so how things going to be worser? i already had my bad endings, knowing it was the end so i have no purpose on continuing life.

and tidying my old rooms was uneasy.

my favorite dolls, mr berry were still there, so do my pillows, my favorite dresses and my photos, and niw i sent all my comic books to the vault knowing i'll be sad on reading yugi oh and one piece.

now you know how pathetic i am.

but you know, good things will appeared just in time. someday.

and maybe today.

isn't it right mr. big-white-teddy-bear?

because when you finally said "oh i'm giving up on life already," it was such a shame. it was such a commotions. but then someone comes up, he didn't claimed as your number-one best friend, but he support you as well as a number-one best friend. he secretly saying that life is a kind of rollercoaster. once it thrills when it finished you'll addicted to try again. someday you'll land in a great carnival where you can found anything you like.

and finally, now i've landed.

i lost my elegance and bravery.

of course you'll find nothing more from me. after this my life would never be the same. it have never been the same.

some intruders screwed my emotions upside down. i'm getting used to it.

but hey, karma still bites.

maybe it just me, but God, i still believe your touch will heal me, not ruin me.

so, if you are in a big problem, tell your god. i used to pray like a was a kiddo or else, i'll pray on the side of my bed saying; "i believe you loved me since the starts,"

hope so.

"i don't think so. i'm sorry i should do this sooner or later. let's die merrily, let's die happily."

ag: ....(waiting) kok suaranya ga keluar keluar...(ngencengin volume)

ad: (siap siap headbanging pake lagu bon jovi) bentar...

"oh dw drums why you have to be so expensive? once i got you i will not cheat on my final exams!"

abitama oktona, may god bless you always...

since this is ramadhan, i thought he'll got no tormented in his afterlife...

hope so.

my number one favorite for this kind of stories is kekkaishi, not currently but i will always heart kekkaishi. this is the story about demon hunter. my brother all time favorite's demon hunter stories is Onikirimaru. mine is kekkaishi and supernatural tv series. me and aksa spent more on watching supernatural than making the music. kinda get on my nerves then. but i always think that demon hunter stories were more eligible to watch than vampire stories... which was lame, too mainstream right now and i don't understand the beauty of biting someone's neck and avoiding sunrays.

i wear old old clothes from 90s collection. why? was 90's left us? for me not. there were a lot of things i like in 90's, blazer, midi skirts, grunge, red hot chili peppers, etc. i don't know i just feel like 1990s even i search some notable music and animation on youtube which was belong to 1990s. and broadway 1990's musical. and life. and... times when i was born.

while now i am a single, i spent 80% of my days hanging out with my bestfriends. from my chairmates to my peergroups, i intended to hang out with them, more, more, more than i hanging out with some jerks who thought they loved me. one of my bestfriend told that he didn't like being ignored because of his friends more busy with their girlfriends/boyfriends. and i think so. i think i'll just hanging out with the best that i could do while i'm not busy/not on so much tasks/not in some stupid relationship because i almost lost one of my bestfriend when she's sick, and i don't want to lose any of them anymore. and ever again.

well, my bestfriends were my spirit and the reason why i live for tomorrow. so when i talked about them; there'll be no commiting suicide/rehearsing suicide tags on this post.

oh not PDP, i like the DWs not the PDPs. and i will always adoring this brand. always. always. need i say more why i adore them? they're a mark of qualities.

i love DW drums. endorse me, please.

and basically, internet connections that aren't so lame. you know, i might hanging out with my friends and families more from now on but it doesn't mean i don't need to have a lil cheek flirt with some (fortunately) close companion of my friends (which turned out they want me to found a good loving to support my extremely-positive-habituous-lifestyle since i regain my old self back) you know you could add my msn messenger by direct-messaging me at twitter or kindly leave a message in this blog. that's why i put cbox on.

why? i hate waking up very damn early in the morning. told ya, i hate waking up, honestly, but i like the fact that no one could ever mad on me. this is fasting month!

"i started to put some mask on my sadness, try to put them in a light, but the light grew older and cold so i put another mask and living my life like there's nothing happened. after sort of fight and break ups i put them off realizing my face was full of scars and they were red, my eyes were filled with tears, they tried to fall but i kept them locked in a secret box inside knowing if i do that my heart will still torn apart,"

You and your best friend are: Wasting Time

What's the weather like: Better days

Favorite time of day: Dreaming

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: Happy Holidays You Bastard

What is life to you: Dammit

Your relationship: Down

Your fear:All the Small Things

What is the best advice you have to give: I won't be home for Christmas

How I would like to die: Dumpweed

My soul's present condition: Stockholm Syndrome

My Motto: Another Girl Another Planet