J A s L a i r

9.13.2009

sooner/or/later

"i don't think so. i'm sorry i should do this sooner or later. let's die merrily, let's die happily."

Label: comitting suicide, monologue

xx signed off at 9:43 AM

9.11.2009

send/me/THIS

"oh dw drums why you have to be so expensive? once i got you i will not cheat on my final exams!"

Label: diary, drum, monologue, random thingie

xx signed off at 6:52 PM

9.03.2009

cry/cry/cry

"i started to put some mask on my sadness, try to put them in a light, but the light grew older and cold so i put another mask and living my life like there's nothing happened. after sort of fight and break ups i put them off realizing my face was full of scars and they were red, my eyes were filled with tears, they tried to fall but i kept them locked in a secret box inside knowing if i do that my heart will still torn apart,"

Label: comitting suicide, diary, insane conversation, monologue

xx signed off at 3:42 PM

8.29.2009

tired/with/you

what do you expect from 16 years old teenager? true love? no.

or do you want some booties? why wasting time?

my life was still cold and flat and you deserve more than that.

i am not your mother.

and sometimes i just tired told you anything just to get nothing.

i am sorry.

i'm just finding it hard to believe that you still haven't changed at all.

because i'm ugly. i'm so ugly. i'm too ugly.

Label: comitting suicide, monologue

xx signed off at 5:13 AM

8.06.2009

on my way down

listening to: björk - hyperballad

"everytime i am willing to commit suicide and i rehearse every details of them in my mind there are my brother's face popped up and i was grateful i have everyone that love me more than someone i heart. these crazy feelings keep me away from everyone. i saw him walking away, and i started to see my friends and family walking on me. it keeps me alive since then. let him go, let him go." (suicidal notes - junoaggy)

what do you feel if you know that there was someone who will be very grateful when you die?
oh but i do have friends & they were here with me. i found my true friends, unlike somebody who seeks a boyfriend just to make him her true friends. they want me to die. they need me to die.
and they are looking forward for my beautiful suicide.

Label: comitting suicide, diary, monologue, my own lyrics, random thingie, sadness

xx signed off at 7:47 AM

10.29.2008

crying

look now. percuma aja lu nungguin org org yg lu sukain buat suka sm lu. lu ga cantik. lu jg ga pinter. lu bukan seseorang yang penting.
lu mati, mungkin jg ga ada yg peduli. sahabat lu bahkan ngehianatin lu. orgtua lu ngerasa lu ga penting kan? trus ngapain lu hidup sekarang? nyusain org aja!

i imagine someone out there with these kind of feeling except me. i want to share.

Label: monologue, nonsense, sarkasme

xx signed off at 6:53 PM

10.15.2008

a musician wannabe wanna eat you alive

the title sometimes aren't just everything.
at the counseling class, we should wrote about our future goals and our friends will gave a testimonial about it. yeah, hell.

mine is; agi tiara - musician

my friend, diah, want to be a musician or accountant, devy wants to be a stay-home-mother and a cook, rizka wants to be an economy expert or designer and asha wants to be a president.
along with the subject i made fun with rizka, dissing her economic instinct as she never care with her money. and i made fun of myself, saying my motto is to have a "karir gemerlap segemilang gilang ramadhan" hauhauhauhau, and we know it won't happened unless i have a fairytale miracle.

my friends said in the testimonials that i could be a great musician. i feel i couldn't. there's my other half whinging the voices of when people distracts me and when they rejects me. my head aches in a few second as i'm trying hard just to feel a little comfortable.

i remember my dad's nocturnal thoughts yesterday, (read 2 posts below, "poppa and my fluctuative journeys"). i remember that feeling. i don't know why most of good musicians were under-exposed (like.. nikita dompas, maybe? haha!) and why most of jerks were out overexposed by the media, grr (par examplè; ..you know, those sinetronladybitches and alaysenangbands)

i want to found myself singing at great stage with hundreds people hailing my name, crowds are great and they're wanting me to play the music,
i want to found my own albums out for shop.
and i found myself sang for my stupid music club, every thursday. but i love it. always.
a lil' music can relaxed your mind.
a great music can wash your mind.
i want my music to lay you down, relax, then wash your brain.
hope so, xo

P.S; i'm so in the mood for talking stuffs in english with a long long stories. exchange your thoughts, dear! xo.

Label: diary, doa seorang drummer gila, les musik, monologue, musik, nikita dompas, nonsense, senang, teman-teman saya

xx signed off at 6:21 PM

10.11.2008

thank you for taught me how to sing and spell love

i just can't believe that
i can tell you,
i could spell love even only once
time gets lil' harder though
but when you told me
i could sing a love song
then we were sing a long

*time's up but i'm still feel right
because i could fight it and
thank you for taught me
anything i need in my life
that's why i owe you thousands gratitude from deep inside my heart

maybe you'll never know,
i will tell you now,
even though our love were dying
i still can sing
or maybe just a lipsynch
a plain old song that dying

but i'm not losing my voice
i can sing for real,
or maybe just another lipsynch
a plain old song that dying

this is the song i made for my ex boyfriend yg pernah blg suara gue bagus and told me that the hardest part of holding on, is letting it go. thank you, for teach me love and sadness and singing :')

i can let go even though it hurts, luth.

Label: diary, love, monologue, my own lyrics, nonsense, the boys

xx signed off at 8:18 PM

9.27.2008

demam + stress = repot

gatau ni, badan gw panas abis. panasnya yang kalo lo pegang lo akan bilang, "gi, lo pusing ya?"
dan ditambah fakta mengejutkan dari sumber terpercaya yakni kak fauzi dan luthfi bahwa yoga akan menjadi kepala GRSD cabang kelapa gading.
gw malah jg baru tau bkl ada cabang di gading.
hal ini tercermin di PM gw tadi siang: "balik lagi ke iskandarsyah (JDS maksudnya) yuk, pd aren udah di invasi sama amy search wannabe"
ga bermaksud kejam sih tp.. kenapa mesti yoga? kenapa???

aduh kepala gue makin sakit. ada bagusnya gw tidur mungkin. besok pagi tanya om gil ah. masa gw jadi se agency lg sm yoga?

Label: diary, monologue, nonsense

xx signed off at 8:36 PM

9.10.2008

dearest nick..

AAILAPYU MAI PARTNER!!
seneng deeh bisa bareng" lg di happy hour show. me love u so.

Label: monologue, nonsense

xx signed off at 6:32 PM

8.30.2008

new term new assignment(s)

semester baru di sekolahmusikgarputala senin besok akan terselenggara..
tuhan maha adil.
semoga dapet kelas yang cihui. amin.

Label: monologue, nonsense

xx signed off at 6:24 PM

8.28.2008

love

for me love equals LUST OVER VENGEANCE EFFECT. how sad to say i'm tired of my own love. i have to found myself again in the same place as 2 years ago

Label: monologue

xx signed off at 6:33 PM

8.22.2008

hari ke 7 tanpa tidur

gue akhirnya tau kenapa gw insomnia. penyebabnya SANGAT JELAS:

gw masih punya deadline sampe tgl 1 september yg mana gw sangat dag dig dug memikirkan semester baru dgn latino scupacupa di "sekolahmusikygsmenjakpindahkekemangmasukgang"
monyet.

gw kira apa.

Label: diary, ga penting, monologue

xx signed off at 7:36 PM

8.03.2008

BLOG TIRUAN SAYA!

btw bukan mau narsis ni tp gw menemukan sebuah blog dengan owner junocezart dan dan blognya bertitelkan AYO KITA MAIN YANG BAGUS notabene one of my old title.
parahnya blog ini beralamatkan junosuper.wordpress.com!! ada konspirasi apa dibalik ini semua? yg mana GUA TDK PERNAH MEMBUAT BLOG DI WP!! aaah ini pencurian identitas!

menurut hipotesa master sunojuper (dopplegangernya junosuper) katanya ini adalah ulah orang iseng yg ngefans sama blog gw. mungkinkah? bisa jadi. saya memang hebat sih.

bagi yg merasa membuat blog itu, hubungi saya segera. saya cuma penasaran. saya tidak akan menggigit anda di leher atau dimanapun. saya juga tidak akan menuntut anda.

sungguh posting nmr 100 yg sia"

Label: diary, monologue, nonsense

xx signed off at 8:11 PM

7.11.2008

he's back

yeah he's single again
i am as happy as hell
yeah,
he will lite my night and it'll cause her dead
to see her ex with me
so when the court judges?
where are the divorce decision?
cos i'm still in love with him
maybe, i am into the third person
hey, who stole him first, bitch?
i am alright.

Label: diary, monologue, YES MATI LU EVE

xx signed off at 4:40 PM

6.29.2008

xali-kun dengan puisi cinta

td buka blog nya xaliber a.k.a pradipa perdana rasidi.. terus ada puisi CINTA.
oh my god.
ini tidak waras.
buka www.deathlock.wordpress.com
buktikan. gyahaha.

next;
pradipa, we love u mwah.

Label: cinta, monologue

xx signed off at 9:27 PM

6.25.2008

alasan-alasan kenapa elfasanza gandhi soerjakanta HARUS PULANG

karena fresco ngga asyik ga ada lo
karena gue harus les 6 pedal dan gue nggak tau mesti belajar sama siapa
karena ga ada yang bisa gue telepon waktu malem
karena daniel kesepian
karena hamster lo pasti kangen banget sama lo
karena mall kelapa gading sekarang sepi
karena gue nggak punya temen main WE
karena lo adalah orang yang bisa bikin gue ketawa
karena bokap nyokap lo pasti KANGEN BANGET sama lo
karena GRSD sekarang ngga asyik
karena gue pengen nonton film kartun bareng lo
karena nikido membosankan
karena gue nggak bisa menemukan pengganti lo
karena gue selalu mikirin lo 24/7
karena ga afdol kalo misalnya lo masuk percussion institute duluan, harus bareng gue
karena gue bisa bunuh diri kalo ngga ada yang ngingetin gue
karena ngga ada kado ultah dari lo tahun ini
karena kita sudah seperti saudara kandung
karena nyokap lo sering kerumah gue dan curhat soal lo
karena lo lah elfasanza gandhi soerjakanta - yang biasa menghiasi hidup gue dengan kata-kata; "gek, kangeen banget sama kamuh"

Label: fresco, gandhi, monologue, teman-teman saya, the boys

xx signed off at 8:59 AM

6.23.2008

be technical miss!

gue bete sumpah. anak perancis tega gila. gue suruh dateng jam 8 jam 9 baru pada nyampe. gitu banget! dikira jadi ketua enak apahhhh?? huuuuuuu.

Label: bete, monologue, pengen makan orang, pengen nampol orang

xx signed off at 8:47 AM

5.17.2008

whoooaaaa

hmm gw br aja nntn dokumenter ttg kyrgztan, jd cewe disana diculik dan dpaksa bwt nikah, HOW DARE??
serem ah.

Label: monologue

xx signed off at 6:25 AM

1.13.2008

gokil kamu gi :)

seneng ya gii. ngobrol lagi sama si hebat. hahahaha :)
GOKILL
ANJING LAH GI LO BARU AJA NGOBROL SAMA SI HEBATTT JAGOO LOOO!

Label: monologue

xx signed off at 10:51 AM