J A s L a i r

9.21.2009

life's/like/this

(me and fufu)

i know i haven't got something important to discuss here anyway.

but surely i'm noticing some readers here; hello folks! me don't understand why you want to read such a daily commotion like my blog but thanks for coming you know i really like when my voice being heard thought i'm usually lies in silence whenever it comes to public speaking.

people may think i'm an emo-anxious girl, 16 years old, a geek, skinny by the name, do not like being with crowds or so on. half of them is the truth. i'm a geek. i'm sixteen, no i'm not emo, i hate life, but when it comes to myself;

you'll never had life like mine.

sometimes some people talk to me like they understands my life. it's not okay. it's just not that okay. you don't understand because i kept my inner side far far far away deep inside so no one could ever seen--or heard--or feel.

and you, i want you to just shut your mouth before you continue reading this.

people will say; committing suicide is a big sins, everybody afraid of sins. why should we afraid? we humans are sinner. nothing could change that fact. people will just say you're not gonna die. they loved you. but they'll never show why they loved you. oh please, at this point just don't say "impossible". everything is possible.

how about divorce? i just don't understand the mindset of adults nowadays. why they got married if they got divorced? what about the children? will they lose them or kept them by their side? how about looking through your life-timeline? have you ever been discarded from an organizations? have you ever live like you life is useless? did someone bring you down everyday? do you got angry of any simple things?

now, in this case, how'd you handle them?

how could you face your life when you finally feel lifeless?

how did you fought with your own prides?

bravery leads you to nothing else than yourself.

now you still want to shout that i'm a sinner? life's like this man, if you were me, what will you do?

i have more than just a sarcastic mouth, dear readers. i have more than that.

would not mention names, but maybe one of you was threatening me yesterday, i'm not gonna say i'm sorry. i'm not afraid. i was right.

when you can't face your life again, please just quit it than messing around for revenges.

ciao!

j.aggy

Label: comitting suicide, daily commotions, diary

xx signed off at 3:39 PM

9.13.2009

sooner/or/later

"i don't think so. i'm sorry i should do this sooner or later. let's die merrily, let's die happily."

Label: comitting suicide, monologue

xx signed off at 9:43 AM

9.08.2009

you/know/bo...

this morning i lost a bestfriend, a drummer and a companion...

abitama oktona, may god bless you always...

since this is ramadhan, i thought he'll got no tormented in his afterlife...

hope so.

Label: comitting suicide, diary, lost

xx signed off at 5:01 PM

9.03.2009

cry/cry/cry

"i started to put some mask on my sadness, try to put them in a light, but the light grew older and cold so i put another mask and living my life like there's nothing happened. after sort of fight and break ups i put them off realizing my face was full of scars and they were red, my eyes were filled with tears, they tried to fall but i kept them locked in a secret box inside knowing if i do that my heart will still torn apart,"

Label: comitting suicide, diary, insane conversation, monologue

xx signed off at 3:42 PM

8.30.2009

make/me/sure

i have something to do by the weekend. and now i am sick, make me sure i'm safe at your place.

Label: comitting suicide, diary

xx signed off at 12:01 PM

8.29.2009

tired/with/you

what do you expect from 16 years old teenager? true love? no.

or do you want some booties? why wasting time?

my life was still cold and flat and you deserve more than that.

i am not your mother.

and sometimes i just tired told you anything just to get nothing.

i am sorry.

i'm just finding it hard to believe that you still haven't changed at all.

because i'm ugly. i'm so ugly. i'm too ugly.

Label: comitting suicide, monologue

xx signed off at 5:13 AM

running/away/from

Label: comitting suicide

xx signed off at 5:03 AM

8.16.2009

10 things i hate

i hate bugs
i hate swimming pools
i hate stalker
i hate plagiator & copy cats
i hate jakarta's public transportasion
i hate being ignored
i hate the feeling that i can do nothing
i hate wasting my time on such nonsense
i hate pretending i'm not in love with my ex and i'm okay if he's gone right now
but mostly i hate the feeling i can't prove you my love, 53. you should know that i am true to it even though i'm still in love with my ex.

Label: comitting suicide, diary, random

xx signed off at 4:46 AM

8.06.2009

on my way down

listening to: björk - hyperballad

"everytime i am willing to commit suicide and i rehearse every details of them in my mind there are my brother's face popped up and i was grateful i have everyone that love me more than someone i heart. these crazy feelings keep me away from everyone. i saw him walking away, and i started to see my friends and family walking on me. it keeps me alive since then. let him go, let him go." (suicidal notes - junoaggy)

what do you feel if you know that there was someone who will be very grateful when you die?
oh but i do have friends & they were here with me. i found my true friends, unlike somebody who seeks a boyfriend just to make him her true friends. they want me to die. they need me to die.
and they are looking forward for my beautiful suicide.

Label: comitting suicide, diary, monologue, my own lyrics, random thingie, sadness

xx signed off at 7:47 AM